How to know if you are dating a loser
Over time, the meanness cycle escalates in severity and increases in duration. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow The Loser to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. They deny obvious facts and accuse their victims of wrongdoing.
Their spurious logic goes something like this: According to him, they lied about being hit by him.
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They also lied about his verbal abuse. He never hit them, even if Kathy had to go to the emergency room to recover from his blows. Psychopaths need to maintain control of everything in their lives, especially their romantic relationships. When they get bored with one partner or find a replacement, they can leave her on the spur of the moment, heartlessly, often without even bothering to offer an explanation. But they get very angry when the tables are turned and their partners leave them.
Yet when they wanted to leave him to escape the misery and abuse, he resorted to violence, threats, bribes and, when none of these strategies worked, probably murder. They also narrow the range of their interests and activities, leading their partners to focus exclusively on them. Drew Peterson discouraged Stacy from working outside the home.
He gave her money and gifts, not out of any real generosity but to keep her financially and emotionally dependent on him. He also followed his wife around everywhere. He wanted to monitor if she was seeing other men. But his stalking made her feel on edge about any kind of activity or pursuit that was external to their relationship. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control. Notoriously, psychopaths stalk their principal targets.
They suspect other people, including their partners, of being as manipulative, deceptive and unscrupulous as themselves. Although they routinely cheat on their spouses, often with countless sexual partners, they tend to be plagued by the fear that their spouses may be cheating on them as well. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them.
He followed Stacy around to monitor her. Psychopaths tend to put down their partners not only in private, but also publicly, to embarrass and isolate them.
12 Signs The Guy You’re Seeing Is A Loser Who’s Wasting Your Time
They want to build a psychological, if not physical, prison around their primary targets. They do everything possible to undermine their confidence, reduce their sociability, narrow the range of their interests and eliminate all positive human contact from their lives. They want to assert dominance by destroying, at the very least psychologically and emotionally, their partners.
Apparently, Drew Peterson flattered both his third and his fourth wives when they were still his girlfriends, which is to say, during courtship. But the honeymoon period ended once they decided to marry him. Nothing they did or failed to do henceforth pleased him for long. According to their families and friends, Stacy and Tracy constantly jumped through more and more hoops, while Drew lifted the bar higher and higher.
Eventually, she feels too insecure to leave the abusive relationship. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them—somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you.
7 Warning Signs That You Are Dating a Loser | PairedLife
His interviews show that he felt entitled to mistreat each of his wives as he pleased. Your Friends and Family Dislike Him. Psychopaths tend to be pleasant and charming, at least superficially, at the beginning of a relationship. But once they have their partner firmly in their clutches, they proceed to isolate her from her support system.
In so doing, they alienate her family and friends. They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal. But as he began to isolate and abuse her, they became unanimous in their dislike of him. In the end, they all saw the relationship as seriously damaging for Stacy. They say that the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. There may be exceptions to this general principle.
Are you Dating a Loser Hint #1 He Wants You To Take Care Of Him
Fortunately, some people can improve their character and behavior with genuine and consistent effort. A psychopath can never be one of those exceptions, however. Stacy knew enough about how Drew treated his previous wife to see that he was a philanderer and potentially dangerous. But the intensity and perseverance with which he pursued her blinded her from seeing the same warning signals in their relationship. This also sends out some glaring warning signals. However, during that time the Loser has not forgotten how he or she basically feels about the opposite sex.
Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. When people are useful to them they treat them superficially well. By way of contrast, genuinely nice people treat others well regardless of their perceived utility.
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Psychopaths tend to have polarized reputations. The Hyde side represents his true identity, which becomes increasingly dominant over time. To his buddies, Drew Peterson appeared to be an easy-going, nice guy. To his wives and their families— which is to say, to anyone who had extensive intimate contact with him—Drew exposed another, much more menacing side of his personality.
Any sign of independence from his partners meant escaping his control: The Loser may have two distinct reputations—a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. Pay close attention to how your partner treats you over time and in different circumstances. Be particularly attuned to how he responds when you express different needs or opinions. Although some psychopaths may consistently maintain the mask of charm in superficial interactions with their buddies, colleagues and acquaintances, their real controlling, selfish and aggressive natures tend to show through in extended intimate contact.
During the course of their marriages to Drew Peterson, at least two of his wives reported losing their self-confidence as a result of his emotional and physical abuse. While they both entered the relationship with Drew feeling desirable, in love and valued, by the end they were overpowered and intimidated by him.
When involved with a psychopath, over time, his partner finds herself walking on eggshells. She fears that anything she does or says might trigger his emotional detachment, hostility or abuse. For psychopaths, their fundamental callousness and capacity for evil stems from their absolute selfishness and inability to respect other individuals, as fellow human beings with independent needs and desires.
They lack genuine consideration for others. They Make You Crazy.
7 Warning Signs That You Are Dating a Loser
According to her friends, Kathy Savio felt overcome by rage, jealousy and anger when Drew cheated on her with Stacy. Sometimes, psychopaths quite literally drive their partners crazy. They lie to them to the point where they start doubting their knowledge of reality. They discourage and belittle them to the point where they lose their self-confidence and become reclusive. Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach from the Loser before permanent psychological damage is done.
What do these warning signs indicate? They show that psychopathic seducers can fake decency and love convincingly in the beginning of a relationship. Just ensure that you see the loser for the person he actually is, not the person you want him to be. All of a sudden, the guy I had been dating confessed that he had been seeing his ex behind my back. Why did he do that? It sounds as if he wanted a way out, or perhaps his ex had given him an ultimatum. Either way, you're better off without him.
Move on and find someone who is more deserving of your love. So I started talking to a boy in school. We are coming to the end of the term. We seem very close. I told him that I liked him, and he blushed. He takes my pencil and won't give it back until I shake his hand; but most of the time, it's more like holding hands because he holds on and won't let go.
Do you think he has any interest in me? It sounds as if you are at the beginning of a long life journey that will bring you both pleasure and pain.